Being a parent is part natural and part learned. Having a good understanding of how kids develop makes it easier to react positively to challenges like tantrums and defiance. Informed parents are more likely to have realistic expectations, provide appropriate guidance, and build a positive relationship with their kids.
What knowledge of parenting and child development looks like
- Knowing the basics of what to expect at each stage of your child’s development
- Matching your expectations to fit your child’s stage of development
- Creating a supportive environment for each stage of your child’s development
- Managing child behavior through positive discipline techniques
- Recognizing and responding to your child’s specific needs
Tips for knowledge of parenting and child development
- Ask your family doctor, child care teacher, family or friends about parenting or stages of child development
- Recognize that parenting our children like we were parented may come naturally but may not be what we want to repeat
- Take time to sit and observe what your child can and cannot do
- Share what you have learned with anyone who cares for your child
Nurturing and attachment means developing a pattern of positive interactions with your kids over time. Juggling the demands of work, home, and other responsibilities leaves many parents feeling like they do not have nearly enough time with their children. But even small acts of kindness, protection, and caring - hugs, a smile, or loving words - make a big difference to children.
What nurturing and attachment looks like
- Recognizing that your child’s feelings and dignity matter
- Knowing that even when children are small, they have their own personalities, needs and ways of looking at things that you understand and respect
- Knowing what you have in common with each of your children and know how each of your children are different from you and from each other
- Listening ‘on purpose’ instead of only talking to your child or giving advice
- Lightening up and enjoying life and knowing what makes your child laugh
Tips for nurturing and attachment
- Spend time with each child and as a family whenever you can. Find activities you enjoy doing together
- Commit to responding, instead of just reacting, to challenges from your child. Exercising the self-discipline and self-control we want our children to have begins with our own behavior. It requires practice!
- Ask empowering questions of your child - questions that begin with Why? How? What? Then allow space for your child to find his/her own answers
- Think about your best memories of family time and recreate those with your children or create new memories in time spent together
Here are some different ways to bond with your child through different stages:
Bonding with babies (Birth to 12 months)
Even though they are too young to understand you, talk to your child. Make eye contact, smile and make exaggerated faces as you converse. They’ll soon start to return the conversation with coos and happy shrieks. Hold your baby as often as you can. Rock your child to sleep and cuddle during the daytime. Read more about building an attachment with your baby.
Toddler time (1-3 years)
Between 1 and 3 years, toddlers want your attention more than anything. Give it to them! Reward their good behaviors – playing quietly, sharing with a sibling, being gentle with a pet, eating their food – with praise and attention. This will give your toddler the attention they crave and strengthen the bond between you.
Your toddler will start moving farther and farther away from you as they explore the world. When they come back, reward them with your attention and let your toddler know that they're safe and that you’re proud of them for exploring. Holding and snuggling are still great ways to bond at this age.
Preschool play (3-4 years)
Connect with your more independent 3- and 4-year olds by playing with them. Hide and seek, tag and backyard races are great for active games. For quieter moments, play pretend with dinosaurs and dolls, build a blanket fort or create something with blocks. Encourage them to use their imagination!
Your preschooler loves snuggling and leaning against you while listening to a story – sometimes the same one over and over!
When your preschool child challenges you, and you hold firm, you reinforce the fact that he is safe and protected with you. It strengthens the bond!
School-age exploration (5-6 years)
Your child is starting kindergarten, getting involved in sports and activities, and becoming more involved in life outside your home at this age. Your child will be discovering new things and wanting to tell you about them.
Encourage them to talk about what they're learning in school with very specific questions. Instead of “How was school?” ask “What did you work on at your math station?” or “Tell me about this art project that was in your bag?” Giving your child a concrete question will elicit better answers.
Listen when your child is talking, and you’ll learn about some of the things that really interest him. Aside from just helping with homework, enjoy time doing the things that interest your child. He’ll know that he's important to you, and you’ll get the joy of watching his face light up because he’s doing something he really likes.
